As a child, I was sexually abused, for over a decade, by a family member. Even after the abuse ended, I was left to heal emotionally and mentally. Because of the abuse, I learned to be numb, moving through life without really experiencing joy and happiness.
My heart was hardened and I had massive walls up, making it almost impossible for anyone to truly get close to me, even as an adult. When I think back, the walls were more for my benefit…if I didn’t let anyone close to me, they wouldn’t be able to detect the torture I had endured nor see how miserable I was with life and everything that came with it.
Somehow, by the grace of God, I became a wife to an amazing man and a mother to three princesses. The problem with that: I didn’t know how to love, didn’t even understand real love. I had no knowledge of genuine affection, and as a result, my relationships suffered.
Over time, God began to heal my heart and renew my mind, lovingly urging me to pursue the journey that would lead to wholeness and freedom in Him.
It has been an uphill battle, but God continues to walk with and sustain me through every level of the healing process. He uses my husband and children every day to teach me about true love and though change can be tough and uncomfortable, it feels pretty amazing when my child tells me, “Mom, I know you didn’t get to have a lot of fun growing up, but you’re doing a great job having fun, now, with us.”
God has placed friends in my life with whom I can be transparent without fear of judgement…no need nor desire to wear a mask because I now embrace my truth.
I am here to let you know, you are not alone. Your past may not look like mine, your pain may be a result of different circumstances, but the same God who has and continues to love me back to health is able to do the same for you.
I pray that you will allow my testimony and life lessons to inspire you to pursue peace, restoration, healing, and wholeness.